Thursday, April 3, 2008

Dealing with Anger

I thought I would share a very helpful list I am currently meditating on - it is called "25 Ways that parents provoke their children to anger." The list is based off the verses in Eph and Col that speak of NOT provoking your children to anger.
I have realized that there are major anger problems in my two oldest boys, and that the first place I must look for answers is in my OWN life and how i am handling the day to day situations.
This list is taken from Lou Priolo's book, The Heart of Anger. It is a TON of information and to be honest, I got overwhelmed with how much work I am going to have to do to really address this anger issue. So I decided that the first thing that has to change is me. All I have to say is that I am SO thankful that the Lord's mercies are new every morning and that He who started a good work in me will be faitful to complete it. So instead of trying to be perfect (which is a major problem of mine), I will choose to walk in each moment, and WHEN I fail, to seek the Lord and His forgiveness, and then to GET BACK UP and TRY AGAIN!!! Modeling this in front of my children will be the first step up this MOUNTAIN. So I hope this encourages you and if any of you have kids with anger issues, maybe this will be helpful for you as well. I encourage you to get the book because there are verses and wonderful explainations that go along with each thought.

25 Ways that Parents Provoke their Children to Anger

Lack of Marital Harmony
Establishing and Maintaining a child-centered home
Modeling Sinful Anger
Habitually Disciplining while angry
Being inconsistent with Discipline
Having double standards
Being Legalistic
Not admitting you’re wrong and not asking for forgiveness
Constantly finding fault
Parents reversing God-given roles
Not listening to your child’s opinion or taking his side of the story seriously
Comparing them to others
Not making time “just to talk”
Not praising or encouraging your child
Failing to keep your promises
Chastening them in front of others
Not allowing enough freedom
Allowing too much freedom
Mocking your child
Abusing them physically
Ridiculing or name-calling
Unrealistic expectations
Practicing Favoritism
Child training with worldly methodologies inconsistent with God’s word

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Amy said...

I would love to talk to you about this, especially to brainstorm about dealing with it at E's age. Jake struggles with this as well. I checked the book out and skimmed it but got overwhelmed too and didn't know if I apply it to a 4 year old successfully. I miss you Delta!

Lindsey said...

thanks for sharing. i definitely see it in me, but not my kids... yet. i will check out the book. miss you too!

Brian and Ella said...

yikes! that list is very convicting! thank you for sharing that. i still haven't read that book, but i obviously need to.

annieck said...

This was a GREAT post for me. I am going to have to get this book.
Thank you so much for sharing!

Melissa said...

Love this list. I needed to hear this right now and am thankful for you!

Hillary Dunham said...

Hey Delta,
Thanks so much for this post. I'm going to have to get that book. I found a link to you from Annie's post.
And- great to hear about you! I always feel like I have to tell people if I'm reading about them! It feels weird not to.
Anyway, I've got my own blog, so you can catch up on us, too:

I love your motivation for moms! I might copy that! Awesome!
God bless you guys! Thanks for your ministry.
Hillary Hart Dunham (From college- Alpha Gam- one year older:-)

MorningSong said...

I've recently heard someone else mention the unrealistic expectations part and that just made so much sense but I NEVER thought of that before! So truly exasperating to have someone expect more than you can do! I know that one sings out to me.

Another thing I've found helps reduce the anger is when my kids say "I'm NOT sleepy (in a tired weepy voice)" when time for bed. Instead of saying 'yes you are' or 'it's time for bed'. I say "You are NOT sleepy are you?" This settles them right down. I say the same thing about 3 times and it makes them feel like I really hear them and they stop the incessant whining about not being sleepy (which they clearly are! haha). This works wonders in any setting with an upset child. I've even used it when I've worked the nursery at church and the child wants their Mommy. I repeat 3 times "You want your mommy don't you" and they stop crying. They want to KNOW they've truly been heard sometimes. Who can blame them!?


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